Christ Consciousness - My Brother's Holiness

A Course in Miracles (ACIM) text, chapter 24.VI:

- And where is God Himself but in that part of Him He set forever in your brother’s holiness, that you might see the truth about yourself…
- Your brother’s holiness is sacrament and benediction unto you.
- The Christ in you can see your brother truly.
- Choose then his body or his holiness as what you want to see.

Throughout the ages and in various religious, life and mental contexts, there are people who have discovered Christ consciousness and practiced Christ vision. I say Christ, whereas someone else might say Buddha or Atman or Tao or Self. The word is not important the content is important.

I fervently want to be one of the ones who allows Christ to be my predominant mode of consciousness. It means giving up my selfish thoughts, opinions and attitudes. It means being honest about my self centered fear. Above all, it means seeing my brother as Christ, no matter what his body is doing. There is no chance of me finding the Christ in me if I point my finger at my brother and name his faults. No chance.

It means letting go of my ego consciousness and letting God consciousness be in front. I realize thinking with God is a totally different way of thinking and being than I am right now. I am willing to keep up the spiritual study, personal inventory and meditation in order to achieve Christ consciousness. Jesus waits for me to let go.

It is in the silence of my apartment and my soul where I go to think such lofty thoughts and fervently pray for such a life. It is in the depths of silence where Christ whispers to me and helps me. Christ wants me to succeed at ego deflation more than I could ever know. It is in the surrender of ego that all the powers of Heaven enter my life. What greater thing? Why would I miss the experience of total oneness with God? Only if I valued brotherly hate more than brotherly love. Believe me, if I hate my brother’s driving, I hate him and that is my choice. I fervently work on going the other way: allowing Christ in me to behold holiness in my brother and nothing else.

Mass Again

I got up at 3:50 and did my hour of spiritual study. This morning, I was totally focused on seeing what God sees and created (holiness); which is not what I see in my illusion of the world. I am totally willing to let go of my ego and let Jesus teach me to see something different. Then, I had a wonderful 45 minute run, made my daily green smoothie for work, quick shower and off to Mass. I'm not sure why my thirst for Mass has come back, but I honor it.


When I am at Mass, I sit to the side by the box which holds Jesus.



This morning, a funny thing happened. I was thinking that if I am going to frequent daily Mass, I should get a book which has the Mass readings for this liturgical year because I can't understand the readers very well and one of the priests is ESL, so I can't understand him at all. Then, I saw in the pew in front of me that someone had left a daily Mass book for the first quarter. No telling when that book got left there, but not at this Mass.

Ummmm...yes...I stole it!

Stop Fighting

Do you ever wake up an realize that your head is screwed on backwards and you have no idea why?



Sometimes, at 6:30 am, you can find me in this place. I'm not sure why but sometimes, I just feel called. I don't go because I believe the Church's teaching about it. This morning, it was a place to get out of myself.
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This morning, as I was out running, I had some fighting going on in my mind. I was planning on getting after some places of business and getting my complaints taken care of. Actually, my complaints were just in my mind, just lots of ego yammering. I'm not even sure what got me so stirred up (see below). But, the fighting is a sign of lack of love in my psyche. While I sat in the church, I prayed for the love I needed. Lack of love is a mental idea, not the truth. Noticing it, I realized that I needed a different perspective; a better way. I realize that whats in my mind is not real, but it does color my outlook and emotions. He responded. I just forgot about my complaints which were non-existent anyway.
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What have I got to complain about? I just bought one of these (really, I did):


I have never bought anything delux until now. I have to laugh at my ego. This car is annoying because the cup holders are the wrong size. Do you know how upsetting that can be? And how silly? The silliness of what goes on in my brain sometimes is why I seek greater mindfulness. Once I realize what I am thinking about, I have the opportunity to change it.

Suffering and hardship: my private laptop is at the shop getting Windows 7 professionally installed. So I have my work lap top at home. But, there is no free cell on this computer. Dang! Life is so tough. I might have to go to a 12 step meeting and discuss my resentments (not).

I guess I'll go make some fresh juice. The salad I had for supper and the peanut butter for dessert was wonderful.

What a funny blog for me. I am making such fun of myself. I deserve it!

Love

I love being an athlete. I love how my body feels right now. I didn't lift weights in Germany; but I did on Thursday and today. Now, several of my muscles are sore. Always, my shoulders quiver during the weight workouts. I love that. The people in my life are sedentary, except for Art, a guy at work who uses the weight room when I do. He loves working out.

Yesterday, I did a 24.3 mile run in about 10.3 minutes per mile. Not fast but not shabby either. I love how my legs feel after about 3 hours of running. Long runs are not free. This one lingers as there is an ice pack on my ankle. Yet, I had a wonderful short run on the levy this morning. It is so freeing to just jog along with no particular goal in mind.

I love being a spiritual athlete. I love my daily spiritual study. I love special workouts in solitude. Solitude relates to running long slow distance. After a few hours of being alone in my apartment, my intuition opens and I have "communication."

Love for athleticism and spirituality is not understood by most. Yet, my love is so great, I have given up my life to it.

Germany Post-lude: The World vs Happy Dreams (Long)

I arrived home from Germany, flying on three flights including US customs and changing planes in Chicago O’Hare, exactly on time; and in time to go to an AA meeting. The entire trip was what I would call a happy dream. This morning, doing laundry, studying spiritual material and looking forward to a run, I felt so totally grateful for the spiritual path and in particular A Course in Miracles (ACIM). I have been set free from the world (ego hell) and live a life of happy dreams on the way to Heaven. This is a result of a spiritual path and a life which places God first.

Below I will provide some examples of what it used to be like and what it is like now. First, some quotes from the Epilog to the work book for ACIM. I mention this because I have now finished the Course twice and really feel that it has changed my life: from the hateful ego life to the happy dream on the way to heaven.

+ "Henceforth, hear but the Voice for God (Jesus or the Holy Spirit) and for your Self when you retire from the world, to seek reality instead. He will direct your efforts, telling you exactly what to do, how to direct your mind, and when to come to Him in silence, asking for His sure direction and His certain Word."

+ "You will be told exactly what God wills for you each time there is a choice to make. And He will speak for God and for your Self, thus making sure that hell will claim you not, and that each choice you make brings Heaven nearer to your reach."

+ "We trust our ways to Him and say “Amen”; In peace we will continue in His way, and trust all things to Him. In confidence we wait His answers, as we ask His Will in everything we do."

+ "You do not walk alone. God’s angels hover near and all about. His Love surrounds you, and of this be sure; that I will never leave you comfortless."

This morning, I am utterly certain that my life has become a “happy dream on the way to Heaven” as a result of the spiritual life. My life is a happy dream because I have learned to listen to the Voice for God, as well as turned my life over to God. AND when I am doing God’s will for me, all the world is better for it (i.e., it’s not about me and getting things to go my way).

As I read this, my memory flashed back to 22 or so years ago. I was about 28 years old and about 2 years sober. I was remembering some workshops I attended by a channel named Lazarus. I listened to the meditations about love and a higher self and I desperately wanted this feeling of bliss. At that time, I couldn’t seem to feel this euphoric love. I think my spiritual journey became a journey coming out of a total black place where I was a spiritual failure and no one loved me.

Today, as I sat at my table in the quiet early morning, I realized that I have a tremendous inner peace and freedom from thought bondage (ego hell). I never experienced that euphoric experience so often read of in books and so desperately sought by many unhappy people. Yet, I have peace. It must mean I have the safety of God and I trust it totally and am able to live in His embrace, His love and His guidance.

What it used to be like: I remember way way back, when I was a young engineer, I attended a plant dinner (a multinational corporation). I got drunk on the free wine. I was seated next to the head of the facility, a VP, and made a total fool of myself. The morning after shame was tremendous.

What its like now: On this trip to Germany, I found myself sitting next to a Director of a multinational corporation. I was sober and peaceful in myself. No verbal embarrassment occurred and, hence, no shame.

What it used to be like: When I was in my middle thirties, I went on several company week long functions at places like Hilton Head and I went on a trip to The Netherlands. I remember having such low self esteem while trying to socialize with other managers. I felt guilty and afraid for being "different" than the other managers.

What it’s like now: On this trip to Germany, I again found myself socializing with other managers. At this time in my life, I have been on the spiritual path for 3 decades,.I am still different from the group being: a female, a dedicated athlete, a person who eats only what fits in the God design for a body, a person who actually does spend time everyday in prayer (no matter what) and who reflects quietly on how to listen to the Voice for God as well as implement the direction.
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The last night of the trip, another VP took us to dinner. They had planned ahead, as several of us were vegetarians, to have vegetarian items on the menu, and they even identified to the restaurant who was vegetarian without asking us (me and 4 Indians). The salad was wonderful The entrée was mushrooms in cream sauce with fried potato cakes. This entrée is not something I would choose to eat (because it is outside the God design eating program), but could possibly eat when in a group; and the Indians wolfed their's down. Yet that night, my inner self absolutely put the brakes on eating all of it. I just nibbled a bit to be polite and to pass the time while everyone else ate their meat dishes; and allowed the waitress to take my plate. Then while waiting for coffee and dessert, I slipped over to the waitress and asked for fresh fruit for dessert because I knew I wasn’t going to eat the sugar and cream laden dessert which was on the menu. I quietly got something to eat (I was hungry) without creating a scene.
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I saw that the VP noticed I didn’t eat my entrée. Even earlier in the day, the VP had mentioned that he knew I didn’t drink saying (in a German accent), “You are not so much in favor of drink.” But the point is, despite two weeks of comments from my colleagues about my running and how I eat, I do not feel ashamed of myself and in the past I would have. I would have been tormented by my life choices and how they made me different from the corporate powers. Today, I feel good about myself. I am not afraid that being me will somehow make me a corporate failure.

What it’s like now: Early on Wednesday morning, doing my spiritual study, before beginning my long trip home. I was conscious of my ego thinking how terrible things could go: it’s the day before Thanksgiving, O’Hare airport is probably jammed with people and all the flights are late and how crabby I’ll be about getting home extremely late.
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BUT, I consciously brought this thinking to Jesus and made another choice. I decided that the day was about peace and Christ vision (per ACIM teaching) and carrying out God’s purpose for me; letting the Holy Spirit smooth my ways. This was all conscious decision making. Now, as I said above, all my flights were absolutely on time. I got along with my colleague who was travelling with me. I spent 10 minutes at the passport checkpoint in Chicago because the officer wanted to tell me his life story; and my companions wondered what was going wrong (hehe). (This incident may well have been what God needed me to do.) I arrived home at 7:45, made a cup of tea, and went to the AA meeting, in total gratitude for the Holy Spirit. I even went to the grocery store after that. The store was not crowded with pre-Thanksgiving shoppers; but most amazingly, the shelves were not empty. So I obtained fresh vegetables and peanut butter and happily came home and ate a Spirit Flower special salad.

My life is a happy dream because I decided to take ACIM, I decided to listen to the Voice for God, I decided to follow God’s will for me; not because I am lucky or good.

I could go on and on about how happy I am with myself. This includes my running outlook. I no longer need to prove anything, say by running a 50 mile race, in order to bolster my low self esteem. My spiritual self esteem is also healed: I no longer feel less than religious sisters. I no longer feel like a spiritual failure because I haven’t experienced “enlightenment.”

I am free. I am free. I am happy. I am happy.

I think I will now go for a run!

Sunday Run on the Rhine

Today I had a very peaceful and contemplative run of 1 hour and 55 minutes. It was a cloudy, slightly drippy, 50F degree jog. Everybody, joggers and dog walkers, was quietly thinking their own thoughts or quietly off in space while the body did its thing. I had no injuries from yesterday, but my legs were fatigued. This afternoon, I'm going to hang out with my boss and his wife.

Eternal Gentleness

From A Course in Miracles text 23.I: "The memory of God comes to the quiet mind…for a mind at war against itself remembers not eternal gentleness.”

The facet of God, Eternal Gentleness, is my focus today. I read two paragraphs of the ACIM text before needing to stop and meditate on Eternal Gentleness. These words, spoken in my mind bring healing to any little interferers, little judgments, little attractions to guilt and sin (meaning looking for sin and finding it in others). Eternal Gentleness leaves me speechless and in peace. I can stay here if I want.

I think of the many faces of the Son of God in my life. They are all beautiful and all in pain. We pine and agonize because we look for sin instead of, in quiet, being in Eternal Gentleness. Today, I have traded Eternal Gentleness for the little attraction to guilt.

I am going running in a gentle rain today. I do not know how long but am preparing to stay out as long as I feel like it.

Yesterday I splurged on some hi-tech running clothes which I had not seen in the States. I shut my eyes to the prices tag and realized this was my one chance no matter the cost. If I go to the “Run for the Ranch” marathon on 12/27, it might actually be warm enough for me to be stylin’.

I had supper last night with two colleagues. I sensed Eternal Gentleness. I met a new colleague and at first felt jealous; then I applied Eternal Gentleness and gave the gift of peace. The Christmas Markets open in Cologne later today. These are booths set up with music and costumes, food and wine, and please buy our trinkets. I will stay out of the fray as it is a good place for a tourist to get in trouble.

On Friday, one of the German colleagues was troubled that I was here without access to cash. I would not accept his help. He said the situation was unacceptable to him, and quietly, behind my back, asked my American colleagues to watch out for me. I was touched despite my American training in feminist principles.

I am free when I live in Eternal Gentleness and accept the gift of innocence offered in silence. I have spent long hours in introspection listing out all my jealousies, hatreds, resentments, fears, shames, pissing matches and better thans. I give these to Jesus. Then, I accept Eternal Gentleness as my Source and as what I truly am.